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snow = howt pants. [Tuesday
December 19th, 2006 at 5:01pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

so i'm putting off my english paper to write on here. it's about anxiety. ironic eh? :/ i thought it'd be really easy..and i keep getting distracted. i wrote a cute note to josh, and now i'm done. so i need to keep ignoring my stupid paper. it should snow like RIGHT NOW. i mean it's so goddamn cold.

on a lighter note, things are great. i stopped coversating with the problem in my relationship. and things have never been better. i'm so in love with josh it's absolutely crazy. i'm so happy to have him for christmas..well actually, for like every single day. 2 1/2 more days of school left & i'm so excited. friday i'm going shopping for josh's present. :D i haven't really decided yet what i'm getting him..he's going friday too with me. yet iuno how that'll work? haha. mebbe i'll hide. oh, and my ex boyfriend from a long time ago called me. he says he's into motocrossing. & i was like ooh cool. :/ bleh. anti-depressants ruin your life too. i've never been happier without them. i was really sick yesterday, i think it's withdrawl. i party ALOT now. i like having lots of close friends. it makes lindsey happy. i miss ryan. ryan i miss you! come back. i've known you since we were like 5. i'm sure you're reading this. anyways. i'm doing pretty okay in school. A's, B's, and like 2 C's. but they'll be so easy to bring up. it's photography & math. cmon dude. one way to bring up a grade would be to finish my damn paper. but i don't feel like it, kay? :) i need to go get my hair done again. that'll make me happy. i think i'm gonna paint my nails to waste some more time! this concludes my dreading. i love you josh.


December 1st, 2006 at 2:42pm]

9 lasts
1. cigarette: about an hour ago
2. beverage: um..arizona tea.
3. kiss: josh
4. hug: josh
5. movie seen: swim fan
6. cd played: jason aldean!
7. song listened to: staind - it's been a while
8. bubble bath: a week ago
9. time you cried: a couple days ago

8 have you evers
1. dated one of your best friends: yeaah
2. skinny dipped: with another couple. i felt something, i think it was a stick..and i screamed & jumped out.
3. kissed somebody and regretted it: of course
4. fallen in love: yes
5. lost someone you loved: yes
6. been depressed: too much
7. been drunk and threw up: yeah & tonights another one of those nights
8. ran away: been kidnapped? yeah!

7 states you've been to
1. Jersey
2. New York
3. Ohio
4. Florida
5. Iowa
6. Vermont
7. Maryland

6 things you've done today
1. smoked
2. homework
3. online
4. laughed at ryan
5. hugged LOTS of people
6. gotten my nails did

5 favorite things in no order
1. Josh
2. CB
3. Ryan (not really :) hehehe)
4. Benjamin
5. Family

4 people you can tell anything to in no order
1. Ben
2. Josh
3. Joe
4. Megan

3 wishes
1. to get married and have a family
2. to figured out what i want in life
3. to be happy!

2 things you want to be when you grow up
1. Psychologist
2. Teacher

1 thing you regret
1. last year & this year
listen here 2 skank

absolutely FUCKED UP [Thursday
November 23rd, 2006 at 10:39pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

i'm so sick of making everyone upset, and i'm so sick of not being there for people who care. thanksgiving was a fucking joke..for a while. i saw my ex boyfriend. i don't know why he's keeping it a secret, why can't he just tell her? if he cared about me, he wouldn't hide it. he wouldn't care about her feelings, he'd care about mine. i miss him so fucking much it's killing me. so went out, came home, got fucking yelled at and got pissed off. i wish they would've fucking hit me. just one hit, and i'd have been fucking out the door. so went to smoke outside, and then sat in my car crying. i should've slept out there. it's raining outside, it'd be nice..i guess. i took too much & now i'm fucking all twitchy & went from fucking mental breakdown to omgimhappykinda. i've completely lost my mind..and myself..oh and all of my friends too. it isn't my FUCKING FAULT that i like hanging out with other people. but i miss them so much, and i want them fucking back in my life. i just wanna stop pissing my parents off and i wanna stop doing shit i shouldn't be. i need to figure out myself before i learn to love someone else. it's like when i need someone, i have very few choices all of a sudden and i hate that the most. i want my old self back, and i know a lot of other people would like me back too. i just wanna go back..but it's so hard. i made josh upset today and i felt so bad. i hope he's okay. called ben up, was crying out of my mind. he told me he didn't want me to do anything stupid & he wanted me to wait up for him to call me so he could come way later on to my house to take care of me. but if he comes, my mom will call the fucking cops. so i have to wait until like 2am. which is stupid because i'll probably fall the fuck asleep after the shit i took. i guess the only reason i write in here is because right now i don't really have anyone to talk to. as sad as that sounds, it's true. ben's at shooters and he isn't calling me until like 10. i don't know where the fuck josh is, but i know he's upset. and basically i doubt anyone else wants to hear my bullshit. a certain someone who i care about a lot decided to get off the phone and watch a movie because my problems weren't of his interest after WEFUCKINGDIDSTUFFTODAY. god damn it. whatever..i'm gonna go find something to intoxicate myself. i don't wanna remember this night, or anything.

listen here 1 skank

stfu mf! [Monday
November 20th, 2006 at 6:37pm]
[ mood | painfulness. ]

oh man lets see here. first of all, i've felt like absolute shit for the past week and iuno why. it's only monday. bad sign? so i got fired from my job, don't ask, but i'm in the process of getting a new one cause i need money for stuff. ben dropped me off like an hour ago. we went vince's & then dj came over and they decided to go riding so ben dropped me off. i guess he's gotta be at school now. i wanna get my cam phone pictures on my computer, but i think i'm too stupid to know how. my arm hurts but it'll buff. i had blood drawn, and i think it's gonna fall off. ben tickles me too much, cause i'm hurting from laughing so hard. rawr. my head's throbbing. i lost lots of friends. whatever. all i want is my family & some good friends, which i have. ooh i'm wearing ben's hoodie, and it's so comfy & it smells good too. :D i'm reading this really good book, a million little pieces. and i like never read. go figure. i think i'm gonna attempt to get in the shower while listening to kmk. =D yeah..and i have homework. dont do it? yeah sounds good.


November 13th, 2006 at 2:26pm]
my life has CHANGED DRAMATICALLY in the past couple of weeks. ugh, it's so weird. ;/ ben's coming to pick me up from school like half an hour early, he should be here in like 10 mins. hmm. i hope i don't get in trouble. :D i don't feel good today - i guess we're going to my house && then to CB's to get money cause we're picking up cigs. i got so high last night..ugh. josh's mom is like my second mom now. my entire face felt numb for so long after last night. good thing i still have a computer. well i gotta start heading out..ryan's a PENOR. :D
listen here 6 skank

November 8th, 2006 at 10:31am]
[ mood | cold ]

i've been thinking a lot lately. so much has changed in these past 3 months. it's so weird not being with my ex boyfriend because that's what i was so used to for eleven months. i can't go to the mall anymore, because i'll get a weird feeling..but i have to go soon, i just..idk? i regret monday night. i was extremely fucked up and was passing out and almost got ben into an accident. he took such good care of me, and told me i should NEVER take them..i shouldn't have. i'm so lucky to have such good friends. he told me he'd rather crash his car because he can fix his car, but not me. he kept trying to keeep me awake. we went to micky d's and josh lit a garbage can on fire. we pretty much were all around the town. i'm just kinda bleh right now. i don't even really remember monday except for the playground i ran around on. :/ heh. ugh, i need some sleep. i think ben's coming to hang out with me for a little while after school & josh is taking me out later on. ugh.. i should go run some people over. :[ jelousy kills..that's all i have to say.


September 24th, 2006 at 5:50pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

i don't know why i'm updating this..ever. probably because ryan sent me his link & made me come back to here. fuck you ryan, sideways. :) <3. anyways, well this weekend was eh..interesting? friday i went to the fair & hung out with kev and andy. i pretty much just was all around grouping with everyone. lots of fun. i saw like so many people i haven't seen in forever. ohoh i saw greg & max! :) i practically just hung on kevin the whole time, and met up with joshua back and forth. lots of people were high & drunk. it was amazing. and then saturday i decided to go again. i met up with kimmy & ryan. ben was supposed to be my ride home, so when i got there..i call them & they tell me that they already left. so i ended up paying ben $15 to come back about an hour after i got there i left again. ben picked me up with renee, vinnie, alisha, and joshie. i thought i was gonna go through the back window. they were blasting crazy music & josh and i are just sitting in the back..i'm all scared & he's just sitting there like whatever. we dropped lisha & renee off and then we all went to josh's. they played a couple games of pool, they left..and then josh and i listened to a bunch of music and stuff and sat around in his room. i didn't end up leaving there until like 12. then he brought me home. he kept asking me to tell my parents i was over kim's haha. we were like practically falling asleep, it was a busy night. pceeee dawg.

listen here 1 skank

August 27th, 2006 at 9:10pm]
wtff so much has changed :O

July 28th, 2006 at 4:58pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

i have no idea why i'm updating this thing. it's thundering & lightening. :O i'm going to RI tomorrow and i'll miss my alex VERY MUCH. ugh i hate not talking to him, it makes me miss him so much. i went to see my uncle yesterday at work after not seeing him for almost 10 years, really weird again..but i was happy and he says i'm hot. haha. ohhkay well that concludes my rambling.

alex if your reading this

i loove you & will miss you

but ill call you all the timee


June 21st, 2006 at 7:24pm]
where the fuck does time go? i remember it was may and i was all worried that school would never end - and now it's over. it's like, yesterday i was in class..and now i'm already into my 2nd day of summer. jesus. i know i'll look at this entry too and months will have gone by. has anyone else noticed that?

June 13th, 2006 at 11:17am]
just random pictures megann saved.

Read more...Collapse )
listen here 1 skank

June 12th, 2006 at 7:55pm]
i've been really weird lately. i think i hyperventilate. hah, actually i'm not sure? but i haven't felt myself..i haven't been able to breathe. it sucks. :( so yeah..school's over AGAIN in like a couple of days. i'm soo excited. i lost like 20 pounds in the past 2 months, & i'm really happy about that. i wanna get something pierced. :D like mucho. && i get my liscence not too long from now. i have to go to drivers ed during the summer. noo fun. well that concludes my bullshit life. :D

May 8th, 2006 at 4:18pm]
so i've been busy. so i haven't been on here much..but nothing really exciting. alex surprised me on sunday! he was @ my house when i got home from work..which made me happy. :) && we spent the day together. so fuck you becauseifuckingwin. i'm hungry but don't feel like eating and i have a headache. i have a fucking paper due tomorrow, and of course i'm writing in my lj to put it off.

i looooove you!

April 2nd, 2006 at 8:54pm]
[ mood | worried ]

i guess i'm writing in here because i'm upset..or something. i hate making him feel bad, i hate making him feel awful and upset. i want things to get better & i'm gonna try hard to make them back the way they were. i'm just afraid something bad will happen & i'll get hurt. i love you alex, i really do. my week was awful, my weekend was even worse. getting hugs from a million people & hanging out with jess, michelle, jess & meg was pretty cool though. playing the i love you game in the mall. i miss alex. i feel really sick, this sucks.

listen here 1 skank

March 11th, 2006 at 12:24pm]
i think lj is dead..like wow. i used to get so many comments & no one's like alive here. ohoh! i get to see alex today and i'm happy so stfu. :)

it's so pretty outside.<3
listen here 1 skank

March 4th, 2006 at 5:03pm]
fuckfuck fuckfuckfuckass. i hate verizon, i'm fucking switching to cingular. i don't give a shit. they're such fucks and they rip you off like woah. "oh yeah, we're a good service even though people who live in fucking sticks get fucking 0 bars and when you have cingular you get like 4 bars." YEAH FUCK YOU VERIZON. EAT ME.

anyhow. i had comm serv today and yesterday. it was pretty fucking gay..if you know what i mean. everyone came back here & we're chilling. all the crazy fucks. hah.. troublemakers.<3

OHOHOHOHOHOH paaaarrty tonight! fun shit. :)
but not like anyone's gonna see this.
so i'm gonna go have fun. bye.

February 9th, 2006 at 12:19pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

so..my life went from shitty back to okay i guess. work was pretty okay up until the point where i almost got fired. my friends are being like majorly cool about shit even after i tell them to eat shit.. so go figure. oh! the dance is this friday and i'd rather hang out with alex all day than go to that. fuck that. everyone wants me to go but i don't really want to. so this weekend chrissy & i are going to the mall to try on stuff and dresses & take picture. and i have to get alex something for valentines & our 3 month but like i can't think of anything so i'm gonna kickhisassdude.<3 i'm so happy with him and tired of people trying to fuck us up. fuck you. get a life..and friends. i'm soo excited becasue i get to see him tomorrow! oh yes.

that's it. bye.

UPDATE: wow. i'm so sick of feeling like shit and feeling like i'm not good enough. sometimes i wonder if it's even worth it.. if anything's worth it. even life. i hate this.

listen here 1 skank

January 16th, 2006 at 12:34pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

1. Lindsey
2. Linder
3. Linds
1. lindzii xo
2. lindz 4672
3. fuck if i remember.
1. my eyes.
2. i'm not telling the 2nd.
3. my hair.
1. pretty much
2. everything
3. else.
1. Irish.
2. French.
3. German.
1. dying.
2. being alone for the rest of my life.
3. losing alex.
1. makeup.
2. BC.
3. movies.
1. shirt
2. jeans.
3. zebra socks.
1. Green Day.
2. Nirvana.
3. My Chemical Romance.
1. Never running out of things to say.
2. The S word.
3. L O V E.
1. i love animals. especially sheep.
2. i love people who smell bad.
1. smile.
2. they're comfy to cuddle with. :)
3. eyes.
1. music.
2. friends.
3. i cannot tell you the 3rd. Only a few select people know.
1. talk on the phone.
2. play the piano (well).
3. finish i fucking project.
1. vet.
2. forensic scientist.
3. dental Assistant.
4. nurse
1. cali.
2. hawaii.
3. japan.
1. kayla.
2. kaylie or kaylee.
3. casey.
1. see the world.
2. get married & have a family & be happy.
3. go to the Dominican Republic and feed the children.
Five Random Facts About Myself
1. i'm always chewing on something.
2. i've known most of the people at my school since i was like 6.
3. i eat lemons plain.
4. i secretly hate you.
5. i hate my new schedule at school. baaah.
Five Good Songs Recently Listened To
1. nirvana - rape me
2. sandstorm.
3. cascada - everytime we touch
4. incubus - blood on the ground
5. sublime - pawn shop

i stole that from kayla. i hope you enjoyed it.

i got a lot of stuff for xmas. nothing new really - stuff going on that i can't talk about. but it's pretty bad and i'm sad for them. :( & all my plans got ruined this weekend oh and i miss alex. i'm a spoiled bitch.

listen here 1 skank

December 23rd, 2005 at 12:53pm]
dear livejournal,

sorry to neglect you. but you're boring.

i'm soo excited for christmas! i haven't wrote in this thing in awhile. nothing extraordinary to say. today was a good day. i got so many hugs. and it made me happy. i'm such a loser. & it's gonna get even better because i get to see alexanderrr today :) so everything's going good with him. he's awesome as fuck. oh and i got christmas cards. i got a really cute one from sherissa. i love you. :) people gave me too much food & presents & cookies. now i know why people get fat during the holdidays. hah. but fat people are cooler than you so shut up. thank god i'm no where near that anymore. but anyhow.. i need some mutha fuckin' candy yo. i'm dieing over hurrr.

mall tonight. yay! work tomorrow & parrrrty too. i love the holidays.
listen here 2 skank

December 5th, 2005 at 9:30pm]
[ mood | amused ]

"don't appologize, i hope you choke and die. search your shelf for something which to hang yourself. they say you need to pray if you wanna go to heaven, but they never told you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell. everyone's caught on to everything you do. so is that what you call a getaway? tell me what you got away with cause i've seen more spine in jellyfish, i've seen more guts in an eleven year old kid. have another drink and drive yourself home. i hope there's ice on all the roads and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield."

on friday it was chrissy's birthday and we went to the mall. she's finally sixteen! aw. so anyways.. i'm so excited for christmas! boys are strange.. why do the cheat on there girlfriends? hmm?

so friday was fun.. we all hung out and i saw dan and paul.. oh and chris &some other people from school there too. i went with xander and tony hung out too. they were rideing up & down the escalators. haha sillys. megan totally loves tony & i wish she'd be happy :) i miss my uncle kenny so much. i have a picture of him here when i was little with him. i wanna send him something like a christmas card, but maybe that's not such a good idea. hah. work was hella fun. justin and everyone was making me laugh & a positive attitude at work.. i learned something smart.. surprising huh? well a positive attitude makes it go by fast. interestinggggg. i'm going shopping pretty soon. damn excited yo!

oh and more news. bradford. the first boy i fell in love with that dumped me for another girl because of "distance". whelp he imed me after no talk for 6 months last night. we were talking & he's like "oh i'm gonna come see you" and i was like "cool we can hang out" and he goes "but idk if i should.. you have a boyfriend and like, yeah" and i told him that he had a girlfriend so wtf? he told me she was annoying and he was gonna leave her. and he told me he couldn't kiss me so he didn't know. and then at the end he's like i love you i'll kiss you anyways. that i promise you, along w/ coming to see you. i was like hah. if he's doing to this to his poor girl, look what he's doing to me?

i'm totally thinking school's going to be cancelled tomorrow.. can't really get my hopes up on that though. i hope we have something. i miss my alexander :( i love him so much. he's the best. i think i'm gonna tape the inferno 2 tonight b/c i totally wanna see it & i'm going to bed b/c i'm tired. k.

boys are so confusing.
fuck you.

listen here 10 skank

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